Distraction-fool

There is such a strong lack of focus and distraction all the time in my head throughout the day. I don't understand if it's just me or is everyone in the same or similar boat? Is it an individual thing, an age thing, a phase thing, or a monotony born out of engaging in the chores for livelihood. Am I alone to face this never- ending distraction with things? Is it the constant exposure of content on social media that elevates it? I have reduced the usage of social media, the doomscrolling to a large extent and that helps. But, can't be sure to rule that out as THE reason.

While social media is very resourceful, it does make me want to be in everyone's shoes. A girl celebrating her 30th birthday, extremely hopeful about the life ahead. A blogger sharing her travel stories, for a travel she took years back. Insta trying to obsessively sell me nipple pasties, which stick through body heat. A couple shooting themselves having the best time of their lives in a fancy room overlooking a Sky scraper. Someone celebrating their birthday sloshed with booze. And I just feel lost after having consumed all the life updates.

I do have milestones to celebrate, lots happening around. But every morning I wake up wondering - what's today going to be like? And I am constantly divided between doing multiple things like a part of me wants to get better at my job by setting myself apart from others, to skill up in various topics to make my job easy, and at the same time learn new AI tools. Someone's 3D printer catches my eye. There are a hundred different things just in my field of work. There is a lost sense of feeling on what am I doing really? Is it purposeful? Why am I doing it? Is it just because it pays my bills?

So, I run towards avenues apart from work. There comes the thrive or desire to do something different, something that sets me apart, something that makes me visible. The need to be seen and heard is real. And I do it through various means - sketching my thoughts, doing videos, writing posts on Substack, commenting, resharing, and interacting on X about my experiences with it, etc.

And then, I'm pulled by the reality of life, which needs a lot of essential skills like being powerful, having an influence, the area of personal development - to be able to speak better, to be able to express better, to be able to look and dress better, which I tell myself is needed for a good presence and what not. So yeah hundred different things. I need to work out to be fit, and even in that area, I am so distracted about what area do I focus on? Cardio? Endurance? Strength? I decide a pull-up routine and then get wooed by another routine that showed up on my Insta feed.

I say to myself - things around me are distracting me, so let me sort them out first. So, I embark on the glorious journey to organise things, keep them tidy, which I think will make them accessible with ease later. But, the need doesn't exist really. I'm constantly selling, reselling, buying stuff, sorting them when the sorting actually needs to be done in my own mind. So, I start looking for an external inspiration and direction. I go through videos and podcasts to be inspired by.

The day has now come to an end. I go to bed, and think to myself - how was my day? What was toofani about it? And it's hard to rule it out, because I don't. I jumped ships through the day, is all. I can't make a meaning out of anything I did. The only moments I can smile upon are, the moments of real, live, human interaction, which has drastically reduced in the 30s now.
It's a very weird convoluted state of mind. And I know that not all days can be sunny. Some are bound to be cloudy and rainy. What I do fear is that with every passing year, the fraction of the rainy days seems to be increasing, and I don't want to be drowning in the floods.

So, yeah, I am very curious to know if I am alone in this journey, whether am I the only one who's so confused about where to go or does everyone go through it, in their own ways? The answer I'm seeking, is not for the comfort in numbers, but I am looking for your thought on what do you do when you find yourself in the middle of a road with hundreds of beautiful doors, and every door seems full of possibilities? And you enter some, look at the path ahead and then retreat, and you do so for each door, until you've got no time to take a long ride through either one, and you are left with the dissatisfaction of not having walked any path for long enough?